It's Your Day! The secret.

Friends, would you like to know the secret to having an amazing wedding day? The perfect graduation experience? How about satisfying deliveries of your babies, a stack of delightful birthdays and a collection of wonderful anniversaries? 

Here it is. 

Focus on what the day is really about: love. Turn your attention from trying to make it the perfect day for yourself (or wishing other people would make it the perfect day for you), and instead do whatever you can to make everyone around you comfortable and happy. That doesn't necessarily mean trying to please everyone, but it does mean being pleasant to everyone. 

I have learned from experience. One Mother's Day a couple years ago I sank into the "this is supposed to be my day! I really want breakfast in bed but I don't want to have to ask for it...and what about chocolate and roses and not changing poopy diapers...etc." mindset, and I had a miserable day. 

On the other hand I remember our wedding and reception being just perfect. I wore my sister's dress, didn't bother to paint my nails, and did my hair and makeup the way I usually do them (hey, he fell in love with that look so it works). Everyone who helped with the decorations and food made it amazing; maybe not exactly what I would have done if I could have done it all, but I was really glad I didn't have to do it all because I just wanted to enjoy being with my sweetheart! There were problems, as there always are: a tear in the dress, other things that I don't remember. We just laughed about them. We weren't picky, we were in love, and we wanted our family and friends to share the happiness. 

That was an easy one though, because weddings are naturally happy and everything really was lovely for us. How about giving birth? You will hear people say, "it's all about you, mama. Make sure the midwife, doctors and nurses, grandparents and friends, your husband, other drivers on the road, the government, and the neighbor's parakeet do things exactly the way you want. Kick and scream, and make it happen." I chose to reject that attitude. For me it was all about having my babies, the miracle of giving someone life. It would be painful and I accepted that, in fact I looked forward to the opportunity to be strong. Like a runner going in to a marathon, I had chosen it and prepared for it and I was a little scared but mostly excited. I focused on making sure any older children were taken care of, making my husband feel loved and appreciated for his help, being positive to the medical helpers and sharing the sweetness of a newborn child (which is the sweetest of all sweetnesses) with everyone who loves us. With those goals, it has always been a joyful experience.  

So next time you have a big day, think about this. 

• Relax. 

• Say "please" and especially "thank you!"

• Love people. 

• Be happy. 

It works. 

Who Makes the Most Difference?

Who is responsible for a student's education? On the path from diaper to degree, who gets the blame for failures and the credit for successes? Administration, policy-makers, teachers, other school staff or therapists, parents, peers, or the student him or herself?

As for myself, I believe the responsibility sits with parents. The reasons for that seem obvious--parents influence children from their first hours of life onward, shaping them before they develop independence and accountability. Children are attached to their parents and deeply influenced by parents' examples and expectations. However, I also hold that belief because I am a parent. When I was a student, I was confident that students held the key to our own futures, and I had resources to learn whatever I wanted. When I was a teacher, I knew that my students' progress toward valuable learning goals was dependent on my planning, teaching, and devoted attention to each student.

So who is really responsible? Each of us. Imagine the quality of education if each and every person involved acted on the conviction that they made all the difference. We would see success after success. The moment any one party tries to shift responsibility to another, outcomes will not be what they could have been. Who is responsible for education? Each of us.

April's Art 2013

Enjoy

Don't Sin Differently

We’ve all heard the quote, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” While there is certainly value in being kind and accepting, I dislike this quote for two reasons.

First, it is spoken by the one who thinks they are being judged, trying to point the finger back at the other person. We should be more concerned with controlling our own feelings, thoughts and actions than worried about other people judging us.

Second, it implies an overall acceptance of sin. People may not mean it this way, but to me it sounds like they are saying, “let’s just all go on sinning and accept each other the way we are.” No! The great fight of life is against sin; we should be evaluating, determining right from wrong and striving for what’s right, starting with improving ourselves and also encouraging others to improve. Yes, I sin sometimes, but I am doing my best to stop and others should be too. It is true that I should never approach other people’s sins with more disgust than I approach my own, indeed I should be much more anxious to overcome sin in myself, simply because I am the only person I can truly control, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to influence others to make good choices also.

The quote is, at best, a plea for kindness. Kindness, or charity, the pure love of Christ, is the highest value to embrace. However, true kindness means doing what is best for someone. If someone we love is engaging in sin, kindness will endeavor to prevent their self-destructive actions. A parent, for example, should love their children enough to judge them, to point them in the right direction for their own sake. A good friend can offer love and accept a person, without accepting all of their mistakes.

In response, I would say, "Alright, I won't judge you because you sin differently than me, but let's both keep doing our very best to stop."

My Purpose

This is a blog for me to jot down thoughts and add pictures to share. Maybe I will add some poems, recipes, or treatises. It's open. We'll see.